Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I almost cried at the grocery store today

Most of the time, wandering around the stacks of food I can't eat doesn't really bother me - generally, I don't think about it all that much. But today I was hungry, and it's always a mistake to go shopping in that state. Maybe that was the reason that it affected me so much more than usual - walking past cakes, pastas, cookies, dumplings, pizza, all right there but completely off limits for me. Or maybe it's the approaching fast day of Yom Kippur, which I have all sorts of conflicted feelings about. I haven't fasted since I had Caleb (I stopped eating wheat the year before he was born). It's my own personal protest against the daily fast that I'm forced to endure - giving up so many foods that I love. Sure, there are substitutes, but it's not the same at all. It's not that I blame God, it's just that I feel like the deprivation that is the intention of the fasting is with me constantly, so there's just no need for me to participate in a single, set aside day.

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